Self Care and Stress
Carol, Carol's Garden
What does ‘Self Care’ mean?
Its a contemporary phrase doing just what it says - meaning to ‘take care of yourself’ - paying attention to yourself as well as dealing with all the other demands on your attention
This is especially important for everyone running their own businesses, and especially those trying to balance this with other responsibilities - whether this is family, other jobs, health issues, etc. Most of us are doing physically demanding work, often working alone for long periods, with deadlines and time pressures that would challenge anyone. Some of us are past our physical prime and have to pay extra attention to our bodies as well as our minds.
The particular elements we want to concentrate on are physical and mental health and, in particular, stress.
Coming out of decades of self neglect and over-work, society is now placing much higher value on taking more care of ourselves. We’re talking about getting your health and personal well-being in balance, to help you to stay fit and well, to be best able to enjoy and support your business, family and friends, as well as yourself long into the future.
We have talked about spending time ON your business as well as IN your business, but now we are hearing that we should be allocating time to spend on ourselves as well as our business:
An example to us all?
There was a widely circulated Instagram post by an Canadian flower grower last year:
You can get to the ocomplete post and all the comments by clicking on the link:
This prompted much debate which broadly fell into two camps:
Congratulations and encouragement, respect for the enormous amount of commitment and passion she has poured into her business. The sheer drive and focus is to be applauded.
Concern that what she is describing is a damaging and unsustainable lifestyle. She might get away with living like this for a short while, but she is laying the foundation for physical and mental ill health if she doesn't make significant changes very soon.
As a counter-balance, here is a more recent post from another grower - they grow veg, but the message still applies:
“Question
Do you recognise either of these descriptions? where do you want to be along the spectrum between these posts?”
Physical self care
Planning in the shade of a tree, in the hottest part of a hot day.
Looking after your body
There is loads of advice on taking care of your body. Most of the recommendations for a healthy lifestyle include exercise, an active lifestyle, being outdoors, even gardening - all of which we do, a lot of the time! So we should all be properly healthy?! Indeed, we do have a head start on people in many more sedentary jobs, but every job has its own risks.
The main aspects to consider are:
Food - make time to eat well. I read so many posts from florists and growers who get through weddings or Christmas on caffeine, alcohol and chocolate. You might get away with this for a day or two, but it is definitely not sustainable and the effects will quickly show on your health. You will be better able to continue working for longer if you eat well. Pay attention to how you feel after particular foods too. Doing a physical job does make it easier to notice fluctuations in your energy levels. Notice and adjust what you eat.
Drink plenty of water - almost doesn't need to be said, but its easy to forget when you're outside. Carry water with you or keep it ready for breaks. I’m not going to recommend quantities, but I fill a bottle in the morning and then drink that during the day - so at least I know I’ve drunk that much. More is fine, less isn't.
Take regular breaks - whatever you are doing, make sure you stop and have a break. It can help to reassess priorities as well as to talk to someone, check social media, whatever you like. Having people working around you is a great way to make this happen. We have a tea bell, so whoever is on site/at home comes together for tea or lunch.
Change tasks - especially if you are doing physical work. Maybe use Claire’s 20 minute rule to remind you to do something different. If you're planting on your knees, do something which requires standing or walking, maybe hoe for 20 mins. If you’re hoeing or raking, try switching sides too. I try to give the people who work here a list of varied jobs so they can mix them up a bit. This helps to prevent tension building up in particular areas of your body.
Use Personal Protective Equipment to help prevent injury (eye protection, gloves, steel toe boots etc), but also sun hats, sun screen to protect you from sun exposure. Learn how to use tools and equipment properly and don't cut corners. You only need to drop pointed snips on your sandalled foot once, to realise how dangerous they can be. Learn how to lift and carry properly.
Maintain your flexibility and muscle strength around joints - Pilates and yoga are both great for this, and will help to develop and maintain strength, flexibility and stability. Make time to go to classes, but also use the exercises at home to warm up and to wind down after work especially if you have been doing repetitive or physical tasks. If I’ve spent all day arranging or bunching flowers, I develop a lot of tension round my shoulders and neck - but 10 minutes of simple Pilates shoulder exercises can release it straight away.
Get to know how long you can comfortably work and learn to recognise when you should stop. You might find your most productive limit is 3 hours. If your productivity drops after this, then plan to stop a bit before, and go and do something less physical. Maybe plan to do the mornings outside, and the afternoons on planning, admin, or social media. A bit of extra time planning might make you much more effective in the 3 hours active time than if you struggled on all day.
Work with the weather where you can. In very hot weather, I start early and finish outdoor work at lunchtime. I can then rest in the shade, maybe do a bit of planning for the next day, read a book, chat with friends, do some social media. Maybe start work again in the evening. I tend to plan my time around weather forecasts too, where I can. There’s no point battling wind if I’m trying to lay fabric or put plastic covers on. It takes longer, is more tiring and I'm more likely to hurt myself. If I can avoid rain by cutting flowers a few hours earlier - or even a day earlier - then I will.
Pay attention to your body. Get to know the signs of tiredness, or strains. If you try to ignore or compensate for small injuries, they can develop into bigger problems. Recognise early signs of muscle tension and how to stretch and release particular muscle groups (Pilates and yoga will help you to do this)
“Question:
Which of the above do you need to pay most attention to this season?”
Mental care
Looking after your mind!
It is said that we spend more time looking after our teeth than our minds. I’m not suggesting you spend less time on your teeth, but perhaps a bit more time on your mind! In many ways, the recommendations are similar to those for looking after your body:
Dealing with stress - this is such a big subject that there is a whole section on this coming up next!
Take regular breaks during the day - whatever kind of work you are doing. A change of focus, physical movement helps you to step back from what you are doing and think about something else. If you can meet with someone for a quick chat, all the better. You will go back to work with a fresher outlook. Changing the activity of your brain is as important as changing the activity of your body.
Build in time to do a debrief with yourself (or others, if you work in a team) at the end of each working day. Write down what you've achieved, what you need to do tomorrow. Things you've thought of. It might be in a diary or wherever, but writing it all down while it’s fresh, and clearing your head helps to then switch off a bit and to think about other things.
Analyse successes and failures - doing a debrief or a review, as outlined above, will help you to learn from your experiences both good and bad. This was covered in more detail in Module 5. You can work out what to do differently next time. This will also help to get things in proportion and reduce the chance that you will dwell too long on them.
Switching off - we are all passionate about what we do. Many of us have turned hobbies into jobs. This can be all-consuming and, frankly, a bit boring for other people around us. It is very important to learn to switch off - at some point each day if you can, but definitely each week, and to take longer breaks for holidays. How you switch off is up to you! Some suggestions:
Make time for family and friends and actually pay attention to what they are telling you!
Identify a few things that you really like doing and make time each day to do them - read a (non flowery) book, go for a walk, play the guitar
Try really hard to keep up with any social activities or regular groups that you might have dropped - I go singing every week, Pilates, book group, Gardening society, as well as meeting friends in the evenings. They all know I get busier in summer evenings and Saturdays, so we have to make an extra effort then.
Go on holiday! Choose a good time and stick to it. Do whatever you need to protect your business while you are away. This is especially important if you live on site. Otherwise, a ‘staycation’ might be OK, if you have the self discipline to stop work.
You may find mindfulness and meditation to be helpful. A quick search will probably reveal apps, local groups or specialists who can help you get started. I don't do either of these, but I do breathing exercises. I have had problems with my lungs and I have slightly reduced lung function as a result. I started to sing with a group and found that the breathing exercises we did helped me to use my lungs better, but also helps me to relax and to focus when I need to clear my head or to sleep.
Watch out for signs of isolation or loneliness, especially if you are mainly working alone. Keep up your other interests and contacts. We all know people who were totally involved in their careers and then retired suddenly. You might have to stop doing this one day too, for whatever reason. Keeping some other interests will make you less boring (!) and help you adjust if you do need to stop doing flowers.
Maintaining social networks, caring for and loving people are all essential balances and help to build resilience. Not only are you more balanced as a result, but you will cope better with stress and intense work periods if you have this network around you. Maintaining these networks and relationships needs work and time.
Compare yourself less. Many of us rely on social media to keep in touch with other growers and to see what everyone is doing. But we all know we’re only seeing a snapshot, possibly a fabrication. But still we compare ourselves, try to match up....this is the way to madness.
Have fun! A good laugh is a fantastic tonic and better than anything else. You will have to work out your own ways to do this :))
Stress
Flower farming is all about Wicker trugs of flowers!
So many people think we all have the most lovely peaceful time, wafting about a flowery field, picking a few flowers into a wicker trug. What could be less stressful?!
We all know this can be true for very short periods of time, but I’m sure everyone has felt the pressure of deadlines and expectations. We also know that it is generally ‘self-inflicted’ . We set high standards, try to match up with what we think everyone else is doing (blame social media for that!), and, wherever you are in the world, have to cope with the unpredictable weather. So, how can you manage stress in general?
Managing Stress
Running a business brings its own particular pressures and stress, which many of us are not well prepared for. Either we have left stressful jobs behind for a more relaxing way of life, or we have come to growing flowers through a desire for creativity or because of a love of gardening. And now we've ended up running small businesses! Particular points of stress can be:
Messages from everywhere - emails, phone, texts, messenger, Instagram. This can be a nightmare to manage. I can’t pretend to have the answer to this yet, but I will be concentrating on some procedures to deal with them. I direct all wedding enquiries through email, so I can organise email trails and file emails. I do the same for wholesale orders, but will only accept phone orders from regular customers who I trust. All orders then go straight into a diary so I can see what commitments I have in any one week. There is no correct way to do any of this, but you do need to develop some procedures so orders don't get lost and you don't over-commit yourself.
Remembering everything - I have to write everything down. I keep a notebook and I have one main weekly plan for each week - again, there is no ideal way, but you need a procedure for getting things written down so you don't have the stress of trying to remember everything
Finding everything - This can be such a time waster and source of stress. Again, its about procedures - having a place for things, and putting them back there is the simplest way to save the stress of looking for them.
Trying to do too much - taking new orders or work when you're already overloaded. Learning to say ‘No’ is a massive step especially when you are setting up and keen for all the work you can get. I like to be able to respond to unexpected opportunities too, so I have to build in enough slack in my workload to be able to do this.
My own experience of managing stress
My own experience of (trying to) manage stress.
People often say to me that they find weddings too stressful. I find them hard work, but not generally too stressful now. I can be a bit of a perfectionist and do worry about details and so I had to make a real effort to manage them without getting too anxious. How have I done this? By going through this process on the last activity!
I didn't have any real experience, so I had to learn quickly. I reviewed every wedding, tried to identify what went smoothly, what went wrong, where I wasted time, how I felt during and after the delivery. I identified ‘good stress’ that I was happy with, as opposed to ‘bad stress’ that I didn't enjoy and which I needed to reduce.
photo Jessica O'Shaughnessy
This is how I have managed this:
The most stressful thing was predicting whether I would have some particular flower that the bride wanted. I dealt with this in three main ways:
Being careful what I promised to people - I now talk only about colours and styles, but will not promise any particular flowers. I under-promise, to reduce pressure on myself.
Growing more variety of flowers to do particular ‘jobs’ in floristry - eg lots of white frothy flowers, all colours of round flowers etc. so if the Ammi fails, I’ll have something else that can do a similar job. This is effectively a form of contingency planning.
Not worrying too much about buying in if I need to. Although I try hard not to have to!
I worried about whether the bride would be happy, whether I could do what she wanted. I’ve thought long and hard about why I don't stress quite so much about this now - though I do still worry. I really want the bride to be delighted and a bit overwhelmed when she sees her bouquet. This is where I get my reward. I think I’ve just got better at listening to brides and understanding what they want. I am more confident in my flowers, and I will definitely say no if I have any doubt that I can do what she wants. I need to be inspired by her brief and to feel that she trusts me to come up with something that she will love. It’s a kind of creative stress that I am comfortable with and which makes me want to do weddings. If I don't get that feeling, or she wants more control over the flowers than I am comfortable with, I will say no and pass her on to someone who will give her more certainty. Managing everyone’s expectations is critical to a successful client relationship.
Running round at the last minute looking for boxes, packing containers etc. So I just got a lot more organised. I have special boxes for carrying particular vessels, complete with packing material already in place. They are kept in a particular place and go back there after each use. I keep good stocks of all the ribbons, pins, string etc that I use. I’d rather have extra stock than risk running out of these kinds of things.
I worried about whether I’d get it all done on time. This was affecting my sleep! So I timed how long it took to do things. I don't set a limit, but I know roughly how long it will take to make 5 bouquets, 10 table arrangements, 8 buttonholes. The time will be different for table arrangements in lovely hand-made ceramic bowls compared to a zinc jug or a collection of bottles. I try to allow enough time for problems and some slack to have a break if I feel tired. I also try to keep ahead of schedule. This is great for my stress level!
I did a similar process for estimating how many flowers I needed to cut - so I am better at predicting and cutting enough of everything, but not too much so it is wasted.
I also try to keep my weddings fairly simple. Not too many unknowns! And not too much last-minute arranging (arches, installations etc). If I do have these, I will bring in some freelance help.
Overall, I realised the main thing that made me anxious was not knowing exactly what I was going to do. Trying to remember too many things. I’ve tried to plan my way out of this. I plan ahead, make better notes in advance and keep better filing systems for each wedding. This, combined with a bit more experience, has hugely reduced my anxiety and the likelihood of me making mistakes. I even plan my meals ahead to make sure I eat properly.
I try to always allow for someone to help me to set up, even if its a relatively simple ‘plonk on tables’. Usually Paul these days, but a spare pair of hands is just reassuring and helpful, especially if things don't quite go to plan.
So, nothing very clever, just going through the causes of anxiety and doing what I can to eliminate or reduce them. I’ll always worry about whether the bride will love her flowers, but it would be very boring without that!